I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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