Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ketchup is God's man juice
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
