im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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