did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
