i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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