i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
