Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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