Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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