You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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