You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize