Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
