Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Who died my cat blue again?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
