brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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