i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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