So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
