my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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