Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
