Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
