We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
