If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
