youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
