just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
