only if we run a train.
done.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
