it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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