apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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