STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were destined to go to rehab together
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
