you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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