I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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