Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
