why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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