I just pynch a tree in the face
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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