I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
