3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
pray to the hookup gods
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
