You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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