well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
