we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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