FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
