I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
