yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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