He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
