I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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