I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
