Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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