Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
