Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
