my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
