I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
