Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
