how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
