shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I AM VODKA MAN
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
