Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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