i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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