Michael Bay diarrhea
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
