i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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