My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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