your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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