ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
