I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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