i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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