so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
