apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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