MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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