I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
