Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
