What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
