Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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