I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
