As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
