Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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