Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
