His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
